


it's not my fault you don't like girls

by SocksAreArgyle



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, Gay Will Byers, Gen, Homophobic Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:58:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19801411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocksAreArgyle/pseuds/SocksAreArgyle
Summary: Will finally came to terms with his romantic feelings, and how it's for boys and not for girls.  After a rough summer in July 1985, he confides in El at their new home.-----[Takes place soon after season 3.  Also, in episode 3 when Mike says "it's not my fault you don't like girls" I'm interpreting it as Will not being old enough to be interested in girls yet, and not Mike knowing Will is gay.  However, Mike saying that does send Will into a bit of a panic][also note, there is a brief mention of some homophobic slurs. it only occurs once and is an inner monologue]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is purely a self indulgent coming out fic bc i desperately want them to make Will gay. like it's been thrown out there since the very first episode of season 1, and now u got awesome lesbian Robin, give us more gays!! we need that queer rep!! lookin at you duffer bros!!
> 
> anyway i hope u enjoy i just needed to get this out of my system and liked it enough to post it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you okay?” she asked slowly.
> 
> Will swallowed the lump in his throat before nodding his head. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. Um, sorry… I must’ve… spaced out,” he murmured, glancing back down at the carpet as he took a deep breath. He wasn’t even really sure why he was afraid that El would hate him for it. Realistically, she probably didn’t even know what being gay meant, let alone have the predisposition to think it was a bad thing.

“Hey, El? Can I… talk to you for a second?”

Eleven looked up from her spot on the floor where she was looking over some papers Joyce had given her for her homeschooling. “Yeah,” she said, sliding the papers to the side to make room for Will to join her.

Will meekly sat down beside her with crossed legs, and instead of looking at Eleven he stared down at his hands where he picked at some pilling on the carpet. They sat silently like that for a few moments while Will psyched himself up, and he was grateful that El just waited for him to speak, watching him silently as thoughts rolled around in his head.

“I had… a question for you…” he began slowly, but again paused, still staring down at his hands.

This time, El prompted him to continue. “Okay,” she said simply, and leaned closer to him so that he would look up at her. Her brow was creased, seemingly confused by Will’s reluctance to actually ask his question.

Will was afraid to ask, if he was being honest. It was something he’d never shared with anyone before, and instead kept hidden in his own head and hoped it would never come up in conversation. He’d been in denial about it for a while too, just because of the names his father and the bullies at school called him all the time, but in the last year he’d finally forced himself to face it and accept it as a part of him. He was sure he’d be safe. His friends wouldn’t chase him away, Jonathan wouldn’t start to ignore him and never spend time with him again, his mom wouldn’t disown him, but he was still afraid.

He tried to convince himself it would all be fine because all of them had seen some crazy shit in the last couple years. Monsters, mind powers, sludge-people, evil Russians... with all of that in mind, the fact that he, Will Byers, liked boys didn’t seem like such a crazy thing. 

And, even with all that he’d been through, he was still afraid to face the bullies who’d make fun of him, beat him up, try to kill him, for something as trivial as having a crush on another boy. Perhaps it was because they couldn’t just lock those people away in another dimension without probable cause.

He hadn’t even told Mike about this yet. He felt sort of guilty about that, but tried not to let it get to him. He probably would’ve told Mike before they moved away a month ago, but with everything that happened that July he couldn’t really blame himself for not saying anything. 

“...Will…”

_ “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” _

“Will!”

Eleven’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts with a jolt, and his eyes flashed up to meet hers.

“Are you okay?” she asked slowly.

Will swallowed the lump in his throat before nodding his head. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. Um, sorry… I must’ve… spaced out,” he murmured, glancing back down at the carpet as he took a deep breath. He wasn’t even really sure why he was afraid that El would hate him for it. Realistically, she probably didn’t even know what being gay meant, let alone have the predisposition to think it was a bad thing.

“What is your question?” she asked, lightly tapping his knee to bring his attention back to her.

Will turned his head back towards her, but couldn’t help that his eyes kept flicking away from hers as his nerves began to rear their ugly heads again.

“I, uh…” he started, and she just waited patiently. “I was wondering… how, uh, how you know when you like someone? Like… how you like Mike?” he asked, voice weak.

El let out a little hum and shrugged. “I just… know,” she said matter-of-factly, but that wasn’t very helpful to Will. 

“Okay, but how do you  _ know _ ,” he pressed, forcing himself to maintain eye contact, and the concern that flashed over El’s face told him that he was not doing a good job at hiding how nervous and afraid he was.

“Will, is everything okay?” she asked, placing a hand gently on his knee.

“I’m fine, everything is fine, I just…” he replied quickly as he shook his head, looking down at where her hand was on his leg, “I just… I think that I like somebody.”

He heard El gasp beside him, and when she spoke he could hear her smile. “Oh! What’s her name?”

Will couldn’t help the pang of hurt that hit him at the use of “her,” but he swallowed the lump in his throat and took in a few shaky breaths. “Actually… the person I like is… a boy,” he said, forcing himself to draw it out so it didn’t come tumbling out of his mouth all at once and become a complete mess. 

There was a pause, and El briefly removed her hand from his knee as she thought it over, but before Will could open his mouth to try and explain himself, apologize, beg her not to be disgusted by him, her hand was back and, with the same enthusiasm as before, she asked, “What’s  _ his _ name?”

Even though he half-expected her reaction to be as such, he couldn’t help the tears that sprung to his eyes at the relief he felt. His hands shot up to his face, wiping at his eyes furiously as he sniffled and hiccupped.

“Will, are you okay?” El asked, reaching out to try and tug his hands away from his face, “Will! Will, are you okay?”

Will took a moment to compose himself, wiping at his cheeks with the sleeves of his shirt, and soon his hiccups turned into soft laughter. “Yeah, I… I’m great, actually…” he breathed out, giving her a tear-streaked smile.

She returned a small smile, but worry still tugged at her features. “Why are you crying?”

That’s when Will noticed that she was holding one of his hands in both of her own and gently rubbing her thumb against his knuckles, trying to soothe him. He let the question float in the air for a while, just focusing on the feeling of her hands on his to continue to calm himself down. Then, he took a deep breath.

“I’m relieved,” he murmured, and glanced up at her again. She still seemed confused, brow furrowed, but she didn’t say anything. “I’m crying because… I’m relieved that you don’t hate me.”

She made a face at that, a deep frown settling on her features. “Why would I hate you?” 

“Because…” Will said softly, voice wavering again, “Because a lot of people think that when a boy likes another boy, it’s wrong.”

“Why?” she asked immediately, and Will sighed.

“I… I don’t know,” he said with a heavy shrug. “Sometimes people say that their religion says so or something, so they use that to be mean about it. But, I can’t help it! I just… don’t like girls. I like boys. And want a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend,” he said, words tumbling out of his mouth as he waved his free hand around for emphasis.

“A boyfriend… like Mike,” El said slowly, watching Will’s rapid hand movements.

“Exactly! Like, how your boyfriend is Mike, I want a boyfriend, not a girlfriend,” Will reiterated, but his voice trailed off weakly as he felt tears come to his eyes again, “That’s what would make me happy. But… if I tell anyone, they’ll beat me up.”

Will could feel El tense beside him at those words even without looking. “They hurt you?” she asked, and even though Mike, Lucas, and Dustin told some fun stories about how El messed with their bullies, he was sort of glad her powers had disappeared for the time being because her grip on his hand was enough to tell him that she would not let anyone get away with that.

“Sometimes, but only sometimes. And not in a long time,” he assured, letting out a sigh of relief when her grip loosened again. 

They sat there silently for a while, El still gently holding onto Will’s hand as he wiped at his fresh tears with the other. When Will looked up at El again, she was looking down at their connected hands, clearly thinking this over. Her silence didn’t worry him, but he wasn’t comfortable with it either. 

“So… you don’t think it’s weird?” Will finally asked, voice breaking slightly as he tried to keep himself from crying again.

El’s eyes immediately met his and she leaned in close. “You. Are not. Weird,” she said, emphasizing each word with a gentle squeeze to his hand. 

A rogue tear streaked down Will’s cheek, but he broke into an ear-to-ear smile before pulling El into a tight hug, burying his face into her shoulder. “Thank you,” he muttered, muffled by the fabric of her shirt, as she hugged him in return.

They sat there in each others arms for a while as the relief washed over Will. He was so happy to finally tell someone the truth, his deepest darkest secret, and have them not absolutely despise him for it. He finally pulled away from El once he’d calmed down again, and wiped at his eyes and cheeks with the sleeves of his shirt again.

“Are you okay?” El asked once more, but this time she was smiling warmly at him.

Will nodded his head and let out a breathless little laugh. “Yeah, I’m… great,” he said, and genuinely meant it.

~~~~~

Will left El with lots of questions, he was sure, but he’d have to have a longer discussion with her about the way society views gay people another time, because he wanted to tell his mom and Jonathan next. El agreed that it would be a good thing, and promised not to tell anyone else his secret after he explained that he wanted to be the one to tell their friends next time they were all together.

His mom and Jonathan returned home around the same time that night, each wiped from work, but still all smiles as the four of them ate dinner and discussed their days. As they conversed, Will went over his plan to tell them. He wanted each conversation to be one-on-one, but wasn’t sure who to tell first. He was weighing the pros and cons of the order as he brought the last of the dishes to the sink when an opening appeared. 

“Shit, I forgot-”

“Language, Jonathan!” Joyce scolded as she and El worked on washing and drying the dishes.

“Sorry, I just forgot I left some film in the car. I should bring it inside,” Jonathan explained as he made for the front door.

“I’ll help!” Will said quickly as he hurried to follow his older brother to head outside before Jonathan could tell him not to worry about it.

The short distance to the car seemed like an eternity to Will as his nerves threatened to bring his dinner back up, but he shook off the feeling as he watched Jonathan pop the trunk and start grabbing some small bags and boxes. Just as everything seemed to be moving in slow motion a moment ago, suddenly everything was moving very fast, and Will was afraid that he’d lose his opening and be unable to speak. 

He really didn’t want Jonathan to hate him. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe he should just keep it a secret so that nothing changed between them. So that nothing went wrong. Will still wanted Jonathan to show him new music, go to the arcade with him, talk about comics and trouble-shoot D’n’D campaign ideas. What if that all went away? What if Jonathan started treating him like shit? Called him names, beat him down, called him a  _ fag _ and a  _ pansy _ and all those other horrible words that had been thrown at him since elementary school? Or worse, just stopped talking to him altogether?

He floundered, mouth opening and closing, fists clenched at his sides, and his heart leaped into his throat when Jonathan looked up at him and concern creased his face.

“Will, what’s wro-”

“I’m gay.”

With his sentence cut off, Jonathan just stared at Will, eyes wide, still half bent over the open trunk with boxes in his arms. Will watched half a dozen emotions flash across Jonathan’s face, most of them indiscernible, some just pure shock. When Jonathan opened his mouth to speak, Will cut him off.

“Please don’t hate me,” he said, and hated that his voice cracked as tears welled up in his eyes and began to spill over for the second time that day. He also hated that he could see tears forming in Jonathan’s own eyes.

“Will…” he said, and his voice was soft but shaky, and that scared Will for some reason.

“Please,” he murmured, taking in a sharp breath around the lump in his throat. “Please, don’t hate me…” This time he couldn’t help the sob and the heave of his shoulders that punctuated his sentence. Will squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the balls of his hands into his eye sockets to try and stop the tears from coming.

There was a clattering noise, and before Will could even react to the sound of rapid footsteps approaching him, his face was pressed into Jonathan’s chest as his older brother’s arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Will, I…” he muttered into the top of Will’s head, and his voice was frail. He shook his head, and squeezed even tighter as Will burrowed farther into his brother’s chest. “God, I don’t hate you. At all. Not at all, you hear me?” Will could hear the tears in his voice, but he was firm and unwavering in his words.

Will buried his face farther into Jonathan’s shirt, grabbing at the fabric with his fists, and weakly nodded his head.

“I absolutely do not hate you, Will. I promise,” Jonathan continued, still not letting go of him. “In fact,” he added, chuckling around his tears, “I’m really, really fucking happy you just told me.”

“You are?” It was a stupid question, but Will couldn’t help asking.

“Of course I am,” Jonathan said, as if it was obvious, “Of course I’m happy, Will… because I want you to trust me with stuff like that, and… I love you and want you to be happy and feel like you don’t need to hide stuff from me… okay?”

It was amazing what a simple sentence like that could do, and relief crashed over Will as he let out a laugh strained by tears into his brother’s shirt. 

“Just maybe don’t ask me for relationship advice, because I barely know why Nancy puts up with me,” Jonathan added with a soft laugh, which Will echoed before pulling away from their hug to look up at his brother and wipe at his cheeks.

“Noted,” he said with a nod of his head, but his smile faltered when he noticed Jonathan looking past him, back towards the house. His jaw was tense, and immediately Will felt his stomach drop. He didn’t want to turn around, because he knew his mom was standing there in the doorway without even needing to see her. This was not part of his plan.

Jonathan didn’t move, and Will stared down at their feet as his ears began to ring as panic rose in his chest, making it hard to breath. Did his mom hear everything? From the beginning? This was not part of his plan. Did she hate him now? Was he going to be kicked out? Disowned? His mom, who was always there for him, always looked out for him and never let him down, was going to be mad at him for this, he was sure of it.

He saw Jonathan’s feet shift backwards and heard him mutter, “Mom…” 

Will stayed put, not raising his head, not moving his feet, and kept his fists clenched at his sides. He just wanted to sink into the ground and be enveloped in darkness and escape this situation. He did not ever want to return to the Upsidedown, but it seemed like a better alternative to facing his biggest fear at the moment.

Without warning, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and it only took a light tug for him to turn around and face his mom. 

He realized then that his eyes were so filled with tears that his vision had become blurred and distorted, but before he could bring his hands up to wipe them away, her hands rose to cup his cheeks and gently wipe his eyes with her thumbs. She just smiled at him, and his tears kept coming. Will noted vaguely that he was trembling and couldn’t stop. He took in a shuddering breath to try and relax, but on the exhale he let out an involuntary, “I’m sorry.”

Joyce bit at her bottom lip as her eyes grew wet. “Will,” she breathed out, and her smile returned, “You have  _ nothing _ to apologize for.”

And with that, Will let himself collapse into her arms. She held onto him tightly, just like she had when they got him out of the Upsidedown, just like she had when the Mind Flayer finally left his body, and just like she had when they’d found each other in front of the burning Starcourt Mall. 

“Will, I love you so, so much. And nothing can ever change that,” she said, voice thick with tears but firm in her position, “I want you to feel happy and safe. You will not be judged by this family. Ever.”

Will hiccuped in her arms, shoulders heaving as he sobbed against his mom’s small frame while she held him tight. The two of them stood there, just holding each other, for several minutes as the adrenaline faded from Will’s body and he began to relax again. When he pulled away from her, she smiled up at him.

“You are incredible, Will Byers, and don’t let anyone ever tear you down,” she said, voice soft, but holding an immense amount of emotion that Will had only seen in her a few times. He simply nodded his head and let out a breathless laugh followed by a sniffle. “Let’s get you inside, okay?” she murmured, to which Will just nodded again. 

When he finally became aware of his surroundings again, he saw El standing in the doorway, smiling at him with tears in her eyes. Perhaps now she understood more how much this meant to him. Behind them, Jonathan was back to gathering up boxes, and Will let out a little gasp.

“Oh, sorry, I was gonna help,” he said, and quickly hurried over to grab some of the bags and boxes alongside Jonathan. The quick flip back to normal brought about a few chuckles, but they soon got all the boxes inside on the kitchen table for Jonathan to sort through.

Perhaps things didn’t go exactly as planned, but it all turned out far better than Will had expected. Having other people know still sent a thrill of anxiety through his body, but he tucked it away with the new knowledge that they still loved him. There was no harsh judgement in this house, and in hindsight he knew there never would be because there never was before. 

Suddenly, telling all of his friends didn’t seem so terrifying. And perhaps telling another boy he has feelings for him wasn’t so terrifying either.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This had been the plan, after all. Tell Mike, his very best friend since kindergarten, first when they’re alone. He and El had gone over this again and again.
> 
> He felt like he could barely breathe, but he could feel Mike’s eyes on him, patient and quiet as Will fought the urge to vomit or run out the door. Or maybe both. For some reason it was so much harder for him to tell Mike. Probably because he’s my best friend, he noted, and I don’t want to lose my best friend because of this. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i just kept thinking about this and how i wanted to also write will coming out to the party,, it's a scary thing to have to tell your bestest friends, but he did it!! i just really really want some cute emotional friend moments like this pls,,
> 
> sorry if there's any typos, i wrote this over like 3 days and may have missed some from reading it over again and again

Will was still getting used to being so distant from his friends, even after three months it still took a second for it to kick in that he couldn’t bike over to Mike’s anymore. Not that he had in a while anyway, what with his mom still being paranoid about him turning up missing again, but even between her and Jonathan it wasn’t very often he got to drive back to Hawkins for a visit. He couldn’t really complain, since the drive was hefty enough that it warranted making plans for spending the night, and they were still tight on money and gas was expensive.

Over the holidays, though, the party had surprised him and El. Mike managed to convince his mom to let him come over for Thanksgiving, and the whole party came to visit on Christmas day and spent the night so they could all catch up and show each other the gifts they got.

It was El’s first real Christmas, so Joyce and the party made sure it was extra special with gifts from all of them. She seemed a bit overwhelmed at first, but after living with her for the last six months, Will could easily tell that she was overjoyed. They’d all talked about it before (never in front of El) but it broke all of their hearts to think that for the first twelve-or-so years of her life she’d had next to nothing. It made them all the more excited to splurge on Christmas day and get her something she’d really love. If they were all being honest, though, the best gift they could’ve gotten was the time they got to spend together (but that was cheesy and none of them, except maybe El, would admit it).

With everyone there, Will had been planning on coming out to them, but with all the fun going on he’d chickened out. Even though he knew that none of them would hate him, he was absolutely sure of it, there was still a nagging fear at the back of his mind, telling him over and over “what if what if what if.” Instead, he showed off some recent art he’d made for ideas for a new D’n’D campaign.

Now, right at the start of February as his second semester of high school kicked off, it was eating at him more and more. If they were closer to Hawkins, he could probably manage to nab one of them on the walkies, but there had been many failed attempts at that. There were a handful of times within the first few weeks of moving where Dustin and the gang would set up his makeshift radio tower and they’d talk with one another, but it clearly became too much of a hassle for them to keep it up (Will couldn’t blame them though, it was quite a haul, especially in the cold of winter).

Coming out to them over a walkie-talkie seemed cheap to him anyway. It felt safer because he wouldn’t have to deal with personally being there with them when they reacted, but he wanted to tell them honestly to their faces. Sometimes they’d call each other over the phone, and even though it was starting to become more of a habit, it still wasn’t very often, and again, he wanted to tell them in person.

He knew he’d have to tell them the next time they were all together. That “next time” was this weekend, around Valentine’s Day. Jonathan was driving back to Hawkins to spend time with Nancy, and after lots of begging, Will finally convinced his mom to tell him go with, and El was allowed to join him. While she was still terrified of anything happening to either of them, Joyce knew she had to start to let them go off without her. Jonathan assured her that he’d keep an eye on them, and Will and El promised they’d stay in the Wheeler house the entire time. And in this family, they never broke a promise.

Will arrived home to just El, who was sitting in the living room going over some work for “homeschooling.” It wasn’t technically homeschooling, but Joyce was teaching her all she could, and Will was bringing home worksheets and going over things he was learning with her. It was kind of fun, getting to watch her learn new things. Joyce had wanted to get her into school at the same time as Will, but with all the craziness that happened that summer, they all decided that laying low for a little while longer couldn’t hurt.

Will was a bit sad about that, because he didn’t know anyone at this new school, and it would’ve been nice to have an old friend there with him. And while El was also sad she couldn’t start actual high school, after the Byers started tutoring her, she realized that she did need some time to catch up.

It turned out that, while being the little guy on campus again was nerve-wracking, being in a new group of people meant he could be a new person. Well, he wasn’t changing his whole personality, but he wasn’t “Zombie boy” anymore. At least, not to most people at the school. So far he’d managed to avoid the local bullies, and that made things much easier for him. He’d made some new friends, but no one who could replace the party back in Hawkins.

~~~~~

“You’re sure to want to go back to Hawkins this weekend?” Joyce asked him over dinner that Wednesday night.

“Yes, mom, I want to spend time with my friends,” he said, unable to suppress the exasperation in his voice. 

“Okay, okay, just checking.” She held up her hands in defense, but there was still a smile on her face. “There’s not someone here you’d like to spend time with? Maybe… a cute boy from school?” she asked, giving a light shrug as she nudged around her food with the end of her fork. Will knew she was teasing him, but he couldn’t help making a face at the remark.

“No way,” he said before cramming a roasted potato into his mouth. He still wasn’t completely used to his family asking if he had any crushes on  _ boys _ . It still made his heart flutter and a lump form in his throat. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over the immense love and acceptance his family was showing him.

Joyce just hummed, that grin still on her face. “Okay, if you say so.”

As much as Will wanted to be fully open with his mom, it was just awkward for him to talk about his crushes with her right now. He would, in time, but now he just wanted to talk to El about it. Upon starting at their new school, Will had noticed a few guys who seemed cute, but had yet to meet someone who made his heart flutter a little bit at the thought of holding hands or kissing him on the cheek, because it was all still so new to him. El gave the best advice she could, but with her only experience coming from Mike and from random comments from Max, she couldn’t help him a whole lot. 

At least that’s what she’d think, but just having her there to talk with and encourage him was enough help for Will. And at least he could finally tell her when he  _ did _ start talking with a boy in his English class, a boy who he’d been side-eyeing since the first day. The new semester brought about new seat assignments, and while most of the other students grumbled and pouted, he couldn’t be more happy (and terrified) of getting sat next to this boy he probably had a crush on.

“He’s so  _ cute _ , El.” “He’s really smart, he’s so great to work with in class!” “He’s one of the nicest people at that school, I swear.” “Today he forgot his pencil case, so I offered him a spare pen and he gave me the biggest, sweetest smile.” He always gushed while laying across the foot of El’s bed, his chin resting on a pillow as his feet kicked idly in the air. She listened and giggled at him, but promised to keep his puppy-love a secret from Joyce and Jonathan for now. 

But she did make  _ him _ promise to tell their friends when they saw them next.

The rest of the week went by both incredibly fast and incredibly slow. On the one hand, Will was ecstatic to spend a whole weekend with his friends on their new D’n’D campaign and catching up, but knowing that he was going to come out to them scared him to death. Even knowing that his friends wouldn’t hate him for it, and having El there to back him up and her reassurance that they wouldn’t hate him, he was still scared. It made him sick to his stomach to think that the fear would never really go away, but he had to tell them eventually.

Friday seemed to go by in the blink of an eye for Will. Whether that was a good or bad thing, he wasn’t sure, but the excitement to see his friends had him rushing through packing a bag to head out that evening. After lots of hugs and “be safe”s from Joyce, they were off in Jonathan’s car back toward Hawkins. Will and El knew of his plan to tell their friends, but Will didn’t want to tell his mom or Jonathan about it in case it went south, so there was no mention of it on the several-hour car ride over to the Wheeler household. 

Before the car had even come to a stop on the curb, Mike was out of the front door, and within seconds of El getting out of the car she was in his arms. Once they were inside, bags situated down in the basement, Mike pulled Will in for a rib-crushing hug. Will noted that, even though Mike had once again grown taller, that he was starting to catch up to him.

The rest of the Wheelers were glad to see the three of them, and dinner went smoothly. After that July, they’d finally started to tell their parents about the existence of El, about how Hopper had been taking care of her (minus most of the details) and how they’d become friends after Will went missing. Usually they stopped asking questions when Hopper was brought up, so that helped, even if it broke their hearts. 

With dinner finished, the three kids wandered down to the basement to chat, mostly about how high school was going for Will and Mike, and sharing any interesting shenanigans that’d happened. Eventually, there was a lull in the conversation, and the three of them momentarily sat there in their comfortable silence when El glanced over at Will. She gave him a look that said “go on, tell him” and immediately his stomach was in his throat.

This had been the plan, after all. Tell Mike, his very best friend since kindergarten, first when they’re alone. He and El had gone over this again and again. Part of him wanted to just rip off the bandaid and tell the whole party at once, but that also scared him because they could gang up on him. El suggested one at a time, but that would take too long and too much strange orchestration to pull off in one weekend when they’re all in the same house. So, she’d suggested just telling Mike first, alone, one-on-one. That way, he’d have one more ally, and could face the rest of the group knowing that he already had people who didn’t hate him for it. Again, he knew Dustin, Lucas, and Max wouldn’t hate him anyway, but it was easier for him to deal with it like this.

And now here they were, in the perfect moment. Will gave her a subtle nod of his head, and she cleared her throat. 

“I’m going to use the restroom,” she said, mostly to Mike, as she let go of his hand to stand up off the couch.

“Oh, okay!” Mike said with a smile, and watched her as she headed back up the basement stairs. Will stared after her as well, but as soon as the door clicked shut, he snapped his eyes back to Mike. That lump was still in his throat, and suddenly he realized his palms were incredibly sweaty. He quickly wiped them on his pants before he too cleared his throat. Mostly to make sure his voice wasn’t choked up, but also to grab Mike’s attention.

Mike turned back to Will then, and it seemed as though he was about to say something, maybe ask him a question, but his smile faltered. Just like when he’d told El, Will could tell that he was doing a very poor job at hiding his anxiety.

“You okay?” Mike asked, concerned.

Will swallowed hard. He nodded his head and looked everywhere except Mike’s face. “Yeah, I, um… just wanted to tell you something,” Will murmured, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. When he finally did look at Mike’s face again, he was leaned forward in his seat, watching Will intently with a furrowed brow.

“Did something happen? Are you okay?”

Mike was always an emotional kid like Will, but within the last couple years he’d started to sound like Joyce, always worrying about Will and El and their wellbeing. With everything that had happened to them, it wasn’t surprising.

“Yeah, nothing bad’s happened,” Will assured, and Mike visibly relaxed in his seat.

“Okay, so, what did you wanna tell me?”

Cotton back in his mouth, Will glanced down at his hands, still fiddling with his shirt. “It’s, uh.” He cleared his throat again. “I… um…”

He felt like he could barely breathe, but he could feel Mike’s eyes on him, patient and quiet as Will fought the urge to vomit or run out the door. Or maybe both. For some reason it was so much harder for him to tell Mike. Probably because he’s my best friend, he noted, and I don’t want to lose my best friend because of this. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself.

“I… I’m pretty sure…” he started again, head still downturned, but flicking his eyes up to look at Mike. “I’m pretty sure… that I like… boys…”

There was a beat of silence. “Oh,” Mike finally said softly, and Will’s eyes immediately flashed back down at his hands. He wanted to look at Mike, to see if he could decipher any feelings about the situation from his expressions, but the fear of being met with ridicule or disgust scared him too much.

Finally, Mike asked, “Like… you have a crush on a boy?”

Will just nodded his head, taking in another deep breath before trusting himself to talk again. “Yeah, I’m… I’m gay, Mike.” He shouldn’t have trusted his voice, because it wavered and cracked and he felt his hands start to shake. He really didn’t want to cry again, he really didn’t, but he was afraid it might be inevitable. Before he could think of wiping at his eyes or trying to say something more to defend himself, Mike reached out his hand and took one of Will’s. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said, voice tender as he gently squeezed at Will’s shaky, clammy hand. Will took in a deep breath, his throat thick from tears that were threatening to fall, and it was like Mike had read his mind. “There’s nothing wrong with that, you don’t need to be scared. I don’t think it’s weird or bad or… or anything,” Mike assured, and Will felt the tension slowly begin to leave his body.

Will still felt strung out, like he should have to explain himself more, but Mike’s hand on his and his incredibly calm demeanor kept him at ease. He brought his free hand up to wipe at his eyes, which were wet with fresh tears, but they were no longer trying to fall down his cheeks.

After sitting there for a few minutes, letting Will’s tension fade into the calm silence, Mike spoke again. “I just thought you didn’t like girls yet,” he murmured with a small laugh, trying to make Will laugh as well.

It worked. Will chuckled a bit and shrugged. “Yeah, me too, I guess… I didn’t really start thinking about it until last summer…”

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Mike asked, and finally Will looked up to meet his gaze.

He sighed. “I wanted to… I was… going to,” Will said quietly with a shrug, “But then everything, y’know…  _ happened _ .”

Mike hummed in understanding, nodding his head as he rolled it all over in his head. “You could have told us over Christmas,” he suggested with a shrug, looking back up at Will.

Will couldn’t help letting out a choked laugh at that. “I wanted to,” he admitted, again playing with the hem of his shirt with his free hand, “But… I got scared.”

“Why?” Mike asked immediately. He seemed a little hurt, but Will knew that Mike knew why he was scared. Everyone would know why he was scared of saying such a thing as “I’m gay” and the question was just a reflex.

“I don’t know,” Will said honestly, because it was true. He’d tried to reason with himself, because he knew that his friends wouldn’t hate him for it, but the names he’d been called and the fearmongering he faced from society had worked in scaring him into silence. “I was just… afraid that I would make it… awkward and… that you guys would hate me, or something.” His voice was beginning to waver again, but Mike grounded him by squeezing tightly onto his hand.

“I don’t hate you, Will, I promise,” he assured, and Will just meekly nodded his head, unable to look his best friend in the eye again for fear of dissolving into a puddle of tears, “And I know Dustin and Lucas and Max don’t hate you either. They won’t hate you if you tell them.”

“But how do you know?” Will asked, that fear rising up in his throat again like bile as his tear-filled eyes snapped up to meet Mike’s.

Mike’s eyes went a little wide at the accusation and the fear that was present in Will’s expression, but he just took in a short breath. “Because we’re your best friends. And we wouldn’t cut you out for something as stupid as you liking boys,” he said firmly, but then quickly added, “Not that it’s stupid or anything like that! It’s… if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. It’s not dumb- you’re not dumb for liking boys, I didn’t-”

“Mike!” Will had to interject and stop his friend’s train of thought, and he couldn’t help smiling at his ramble of words. Mike relaxed and smiled in return, and he opened his mouth to speak again, but Will cut him off. “Thank you, Mike. Just… thanks,” he said softly, voice still frail, but he wasn’t able to stop smiling. 

Shortly thereafter, the creak of the basement door signified El’s return. Mike let go of Will’s hand after one more gentle squeeze, and took El’s hand as soon as she sat back down beside him.

“You told him?” she asked Will, clearly able to see the slight redness around Will’s eyes, and he nodded his head.

“Wait, you knew?” Mike asked El, cocking his head.

“I told her back in… November, I think,” Will said, and Mike’s head turned back to him.

Mike mulled this over for a bit, and normally Will would be afraid that Mike would personally be upset at that, since they’d been best friends for as long as they could remember, but Mike didn’t say anything. Any inclination that he was thrown off by it disappeared when El gently squeezed his hand. “He needed help telling you guys,” she said, and Mike seemed to understand.

~~~~~

Will wished he could say he went to bed more relaxed after having told Mike, and that was partially true, but as he lay on the couch in the basement, Mike in a sleeping bag on the floor with El up in his bedroom, he tried to calm the nerves in his stomach at the thought of telling the rest of the party tomorrow.

He tried to think logically, and take Mike’s assurance to heart that no, they wouldn’t hate him or be disgusted by him, but that “what if” wouldn’t go away. He slept restlessly, awoken by Mike nudging his shoulder and telling him his mom had made breakfast. Groggily, he ambled upstairs, but only managed to get down a few Eggos and some scrambled eggs.

The party was due to stop by at ten, and currently it was eight-thirty. They had some time to relax and get ready setting up the D’n’D session, and Will tried to calm his nerves by meticulously setting up each piece and double-, triple-, quadruple-checking that everything was where it should be. He even took the time to go over some elements with El, who was still getting the hang of the game. 

When the doorbell rang, Will couldn’t help jumping a bit in his seat. El reached out and placed a hand on his knee at the reaction, and stared intently at him. “It’s okay, we’re here for you. Don’t be scared,” she said softly, and Will nodded his head as he watched Mike run upstairs to answer the door.

Soon enough, the gaggle of teens was hurrying down the stairs, calling Will and El’s names and pulling each of them into a tight hug one by one. Nobody seemed to notice Will’s tension, and it was quickly overtaken by excitement to see his friends anyway.

They were quick to all sit down, but the D’n’D game was forgotten for now as they opted to talk about anything and everything. They shared new stories about school, about new findings on their bike rides around town, and about the new much-less-exciting mall that was going to go up where Starcourt once stood. Will mostly sat and listened, interjecting where he felt necessary and sharing his own stories about school and classes and teachers, but otherwise just liked listening to his friends speak.

The night before, Will shared with Mike his plan to tell their friends. He didn’t want to do it immediately, because he didn’t want to make things awkward (even when Mike and El assured him that wouldn’t happen) and he knew they’d all want to talk about other stuff first, himself included. He also shared that Joyce and Jonathan knew, but Will hadn’t told them that he was going to tell the party about it. That seemed to confuse Mike a bit, but he didn’t question it. He was just glad that Joyce and Jonathan had been happy, accepting, and proud.

If everything went according to plan, Will would tell them all after their D’n’D session. It wasn’t going to be anything super long, so he knew he’d have time to tell them all before they crashed for the night. 

But of course, a slight wrench had to be thrown into his plan. The campaign went for nearly seven hours, which wasn’t incredibly long, but they didn’t actually start till around one o’clock after they’d chatted and had lunch, so now it was well past eight and they were finally wrapping up. Thankfully, Max and El were slowly becoming more and more interested in D’n’D, but perhaps that’s what made it go on for so long. Instead of trying to come up with the fastest way through something, they poked and prodded at the boys to get them to search deeper into something completely unrelated to the main story.

Any other time, Will would be thankful for that, but as the hours went by he was growing more and more restless. He didn’t let it show, though, and it was easy enough for him to get back to focusing on the campaign Lucas was leading. Now, at eight in the evening, they’d finally settled on an ending they were all happy with, surrounded by a few empty pizza boxes, and they all sighed and slouched back in their seats.

“Good game, Lucas. You’re a pretty good Dungeon Master,” Mike said as he kicked lightly at the others foot under the table.

“I try,” Lucas said with a playful grin, before starting to gather up the game components and get them back into their boxes. 

As they all worked to pack up, Will felt himself getting lost in thought. Partly from exhaustion, but also because… now he had to tell them. Not right this second, he tried to tell himself, but at the same time… it felt like it was now or never. He caught eyes with El, who shared a knowing glance with him and smiled gently. She gave a subtle nod of her head that no one else would notice.

Will nodded in return, before taking in a slow, shaky breath. “Hey, um… you guys…” he said quietly, but enough that the others would hear him over their idle chatter and stop to look at him.

With all those eyes on him, he suddenly felt very small. He felt Mike press closer to him where they sat on the couch, though, and the supportive touch made Will more confident in looking Dustin, Lucas, and Max in the eye.

“I wanted to tell you all something… important,” he said, recalling what Mike had said the night before.  _ If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me _ . And it would be important to the rest of the party.

“Is everything okay?” It was Max, but Dustin and Lucas’s expressions matched hers in their level of worry. Will internally laughed, and noted that he really should be more specific when he said something cryptic like that.

“Yeah, yeah, you guys, it’s nothing bad,” he assured, even when a voice in the back of his head said “but it could be.” He swallowed it down, burying it back in his mind as he watched the three of them relax in their seats. They were all so patient with him, especially after all that had happened to him. Part of it still hurt, knowing that they all sometimes still viewed him as something fragile that might break under any sort of pressure, but he knew it was all just because they cared about him. And sometimes having that extra wariness worked in his favor, and helped him feel more at ease, knowing that none of them would let anything happen to him (or El) as long as they could help it.

But this wasn’t a monster. It wasn’t something tangible that El could crush with her mind or they could throw fireworks at. In fact, it wasn’t something scary at all, but Will was still trembling in his seat.

Again, he felt Mike press closer to him, giving him a little nudge with his elbow to break him out of his reverie. He cleared his throat and looked between the three of them, who just sat there, watching him with varying expressions of concern and confusion. He took in another deep breath, and forced himself to speak slowly, so as not to jumble his words and turn himself into a wreck.

“I… like boys,” he said softly, and their expressions turned to mild surprise mixed with more confusion. “I’m gay.”

There was silence for a while, and he just watched as the gears turned and clicked in all of their minds. It seemed to click in Max’s first, but as soon as she opened her mouth, Dustin interjected. “For real?”

Before Will could even react, Lucas was smacking Dustin on the arm. “Yeah ‘for real,’ dumbass,” he said with a roll of his eyes, and Will couldn’t help smiling when Dustin let out a small “ow” followed by “I was just checking.”

Max rolled her eyes at the boys, but then smiled brightly at Will. “Hey, that’s awesome. I’m happy that you… told us,” she said warmly.

“Yeah man, seriously,” Lucas echoed, followed by that bright, goofy grin of agreement from Dustin.

Even though he could tell Mike and El were looking at him, as if saying “see, it’s all okay,” there was a twinge of apprehension from Will. “You guys don’t… think it’s weird?” he asked tentatively, and all of them gave him the same look El had given him when he asked her the same question.

“What? No way!” Dustin said, and both Lucas and Max nodded in agreement, “Who cares if you like guys, you’re still Will!”

That hit Will like a ton of bricks, and immediately he felt like he was going to cry again. It hadn’t occurred to him that they might see him as a different person, but that subconscious fear was easily quashed with that one simple sentence. They all shifted their chairs closer to him, the relief on his face clear as day.

“It’s not weird at all, man,” Lucas assured as he tapped his knuckles against Will’s knee, “We’re not gonna stoop to the levels of Troy and his cronies just because of that.”

Both Dustin and Mike voiced their agreement at that, and it soon turned into a group of insults toward Troy, laughing about the time El made him wet himself in front of the whole school. It quickly made Will perk up again, and he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand as they laughed at the expense of their old bully. 

“See, Will? You didn’t have to be scared of them!” Mike said once their laughter had died down, and Will responded with a small smile and a shrug.

“ _ Scared? _ ” Dustin and Lucas asked at the same time, but they didn’t push it when they saw Will tense at their dismay. It was obvious why he’d be scared, but it tugged on everyone’s heartstrings that he’d be afraid of telling his best friends a big secret like that.

Instead, Max spoke. “You don’t need to be scared of us until we start throwing punches at anyone who hurts you,” she said, before lightly bopping Lucas on the shoulder as an example.

“Yeah! Once El gets her powers back, we can destroy anyone who bullies you again,” Dustin added, clapping his hands together in front of his chest. That elicited a laugh from all of them, even Will, who then rolled his eyes.

“Guys, don’t worry about it, I can handle myself.”

“But really, no one’s giving you a hard time, right?” Mike asked from beside him, genuinely worried.

Will shook his head. “No, no one’s bothered me, really,” he said, and El backed him up with a nod of her head. He’d promised her that if anyone bothered him, he’d at least tell her so they could try to come up with a way to make it stop. He wasn’t about to come out to the entire high school, but he knew that if his sensitivity had gotten him pegged as a  _ queer  _ before, then it might come up again at some point in the future. He hoped it wouldn’t because he sort of was afraid that his friends really would significantly hurt someone if they ever wronged him. If they could destroy giant interdimensional monsters, they could easily mess up a gaggle of high schoolers.

“So,” Max said, her voice breaking Will out of her thoughts, “Do you have a… secret boyfriend at this new school of yours?” Her tone was teasing, but Will felt his cheeks immediately start to burn at the accusation.

“Wh-what? No, of course not!” Even now knowing who he liked, and actually having a crush, he still felt weird actually admitting it, even when the rest of the group were all in some sort of relationship.

“Oh, I think you do,” Dustin said with a big grin, and Will’s cheeks went redder.

“No! I don’t!” he insisted, curling a bit into himself, as if he could hide his embarrassment that way.

“No, he doesn’t,” he heard El say to the others, and they all let out some sounds of disappointment, but then she added, “He does have a crush on a boy in English class, though.”

And immediately they were all up on him, asking questions and teasing him for having a crush, and they didn’t back down even when Will said “but you guys are all dating!” to call them out on their hypocrisy. They made a point not to overwhelm him, and Will just hid his red cheeks and big smile behind his hands as they asked what his name was, what he looked like, if he was nice or funny or smart, what his hobbies were, if he also liked boys. Will answered them all to the best of his ability, and tried not to make himself look like a fool when he accidentally got to rambling about how nice the kid was and described the color of his eyes in a little bit too much detail to just have been noticed at a glance.

If they had been exhausted after the campaign before, it was completely gone now as they bounced with energy, asking questions and giving advice on relationships (to the best of their ninth-grader abilities) and promising to beat anyone up if they were nasty to Will.

And even if it was a bit overwhelming to have them all asking him questions like this, it was a good sort of overwhelming. Instead of having to fight over their voices to try and explain himself, and make them not hate him, Will had to try and talk over their voices to answer their positive, excited questions. Overwhelming, but the good kind. The kind that made his heart swell with love for his friends.

Yeah, there was no possibility that he’d ever be finding a better party join.


End file.
